


Fifty Shades Of Slate

by Chaotic_Binky (Glorfindel)



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Contracts, Desire, First Time, Humor, Innocence, M/M, Parody, Stalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:10:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4635156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glorfindel/pseuds/Chaotic_Binky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Warrior student, Legolas Thrandulion, goes to interview rich benefactor and world famous musician, Lindir, he encounters an elf who is arrogant, impossibly handsome, enigmatic, and somewhat intimidating. The young and innocent Legolas is immediately enamoured of him but too overawed to make the first move. Lindir wants him, but on his own terms or not at all.</p>
<p>Thrilled by Lindir’s erotic tastes, Legolas gives him all he has got - but in the back of his mind is one single thought: what about love? </p>
<p>Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, this parody will make you laugh, will cause you to ponder how a storyteller can unblushingly use so many adjectives, will obsess you and possess you, and will stay with you forever.</p>
<p>Happy reading!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jewelled Blue Wings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IgnobleBard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IgnobleBard/gifts).



> **Big, huge thanks to my wonderful beta, Keiliss! Without your help this story would be much less than brilliant :)**  
>   
> 
> This story is a gift for Ignoblebard, for the Ardor in August 2015 fic exchange.
> 
>  
> 
> The recipient's request: I'm in the mood for some humor. How about a Fifty Shades of Grey parody with a couple of Elves? Extra points for some really ridiculously earnest dialogue.
> 
> This parody is for you, Ignoblebard, complete with ridiculously earnest dialogue and your favourite elf - enjoy!
> 
> Note: I have shamelessly made use of E. L. James more hilariously awful quotes and the summary on the back cover of Fifty Shades of Grey.

 

 

 

I watch Erestor standing in the bathroom doorway. His face looks pale, as if he used vanilla ice cream as a moisturiser and it had formed a layer of creamy white over his skin.

 

"I am too ill to interview the impossibly handsome, dashing, yet somewhat intimidating Lord Lindir. Damn my stupidity for eating those odd tasting mushrooms! How will Imladris' premier music newspaper survive without its main feature. He is, after all, our chief benefactor."

 

"How were you to know they were toadstools?" I look at my friend and feel a pang of sympathy, empathy, compassion and understanding. "Can I help?" I had never met the most famous and wealthiest elf in Middle-earth, but I had vaguely heard of him.

 

"You could interview him for me?" Erestor's eyes light up, like summer butterflies lifting sun dried, jewelled blue wings made wet by a sudden rainstorm, or something like that.

 

I bite my lip. How could I be as good as my friend at interviewing fantastically rich and handsome musicians, not to mention ones who are benefactors? "Give me a list of questions and I will do it."

 

My inner Maia shakes her head. "No good can come of this." She lays back down on her chaise longue and drinks a sip of red wine, the type that is made from grapes weathered in a southern sun until the skins just start to crinkle, and are trod underfoot by sweaty men who like to sing rustic village songs.

 

o0o0o0o

 

My warrior training is over and I live in a new home, putting all my learning to good use while furthering my studies; in a few months I will be a senior warrior. Lord Elrond agreed with my father, King Thranduil, to give me a place in his warriors academy, and will also teach me how to run a realm, just in case I ever have to return to Mirkwood as king. I could work in Mirkwood, but my father says a young man should spread his wings and sample other cultures.

 

I share a basement room with Erestor, who is studying elven history and music as well as working towards becoming a senior warrior. Our room contains two beds, a dresser and a bathroom. There is a small woven mat between the beds acting as a separator. Otherwise there is no decoration or any ornament on the plain white walls. Lord Lindir stays in a large suite of rooms on the top floor of the Last Homely House when he visits Imladris, which is only for a few weeks a year because he spends the majority of his time in Lothlórien, while my rooms are situated in a block solely used for housing warriors. If Lord Lindir's rooms are like the ones in the block where I live they will be sumptuous, with the lower levels becoming more basic.

 

"Here is the list of questions you should ask him." Erestor hands me a sheet of paper and I give it a cursory glance, not really reading the words, but feeling impatient to get the interview over and done with. "He lives on the top floor. I believe his name is on the door."

 

"Hey, that rhymes," I say delightedly. I am somewhat fond of impromptu poetry.

 

Erestor rolls his eyes at me. "I am going to the healers. I am sick of being sick."

 


	2. Lip Biting

 

 

I climb the twenty staircases, nearly reaching terminal velocity, all the way to the top floor of the Last Homely House. Lord Lindir's door is clearly marked. His name stands proudly above a coat of arms, which lays directly over a carved sun, its golden rays spreading to the edge of the door panel. Not bad for a room that is only used a few weeks a year.

 

He responds to my deferential knocking by calling for me to come in. As I pass through the door I slip and fall flat on my face. Oh no! What must he think of me! My inner Maia kills herself laughing. I ignore her.

 

"Come and sit down." Lord Lindir stands by the window. He has a powerful back and I imagine muscles of steel under his well cut dark robe. In front of him is a slate desk; the stone is cut to reveal many faceted edges, all are different shades of grey - about fifty of them, I think. The surface is bare.

 

"Excuse me. I do not always fall when entering rooms. I seem to have two left feet." I give a weak, embarrassed smile. He does not answer, but continues to look out of the window. I am disconcerted but carry on anyway. "My name is Legolas. I was asked to interview you for Imladris' premier music newspaper. Erestor was supposed to come but he is ill, so he asked me to do the interview instead."

 

Lord Lindir turns. He looks at me, arrogant grey eyes boring into my soul. My belly flutters and small quivers of delight shoot through my loins, zinging down to my feet and back up again. Artfully arranged, unruly blonde hair frames his impossibly handsome face. His lips have a slightly cruel curl. My eyes cannot leave his and I sit with mouth open. "I am glad you came." His voice is like silken cream, crossed with molten chocolate, vanilla cookies, fruit cake, and a hint of dark brown syrup with a cherry on top.

 

"Erestor gave me a list of questions."

 

"Ask me the fifth one." He looks at me for a brief moment filled with meaning, and my tongue ties itself in knots. Is he trying to throw me further off balance? Surely he knows the effect he is having on me.

 

I look up from the list uncertainly. "What is your favourite way to relax?"

 

"Sex. What is your favourite activity, Legolas? Is it also sex?"

 

I am shocked, yet I try to appear urbane, as if the question is nothing new, but I do not succeed. "I like going to the zoo and watching the oliphaunts. Do you like oliphaunts?"

 

He smiles and I feel even more uncomfortable. "I am in the process of setting up an oliphaunt rescue organisation. I also want to save all elflings living in poverty and set up shelters for cute fluffy animals. I like to control where my wealth is spent. Indeed, Legolas, I exercise control in all parts of my life."

 

I bite my lip as I write his answers, wondering what he will say next.

 

"Do you always bite your lip?" That was a surprise.

 

"Sometimes." How am I to get through the interview with a man who strips me bare with his eyes and isn't afraid to ask such personal questions. My chest heaves and I feel short of breath; nothing escapes his attention.

 

"What do you like to do in your free time?" The next question.

 

"I indulge in certain physical pursuits." He looks at me and I feel slightly uncomfortable, not daring to ask what those pursuits are because I feel I should already know.

 

Lord Lindir allows me to ask him three more questions before suddenly calling a halt to the interview. Several times he stands to look at the sundial in the gardens before checking a small notebook. It's as though I am not in the room anymore.

 

"Thank you for coming," he says politely, as he walks to the door. As I pass through the door our fingers accidentally brush together. A thrill rushes through my very core. The most handsome and beautiful elf on the planet has touched me!

 

"Thank you so much. I will send you a copy of the interview..." What must he think of my babbling? How small I feel in front of one so sophisticated, handsome and marvellously marvellous.

 

He smiles and says nothing. I pass through the door, relieved that the interview is over.

 


	3. Dark Desire

 

 

 

"It was awful, and I fluffed the whole interview." Sinking onto my bed I contemplate how I can avoid Lord Lindir for the rest of my stay in Imladris. In a few months Lord Elrond will be teaching me how to run a realm, so I might see him then, but for now I mix solely with warriors, which is necessary so that we all bond and they do not perceive any favouritism. I have four months to practise avoiding him and I think I can do it. But what if I can't?

 

"Never mind." Erestor reads through the text. "It's not bad. We could fill it out with your impressions of the great elf." I wonder if Erestor is being sarcastic when he calls Lord Lindir a great elf. There is an edge to his tongue and he often likes to indulge in a form of cruel but spectacularly funny wit.

 

"He said his favourite activity is sex; you cannot put that in the write up."

 

"Yes I can. If he wants to be an ass then we should let him." Erestor grins, his face ingenuous, yet with a hint of naughtiness in the background, like a child who has eaten a sweet and blames it on the dog. "We should get some pictures of him. Melpomaen, the court artist, might be able to help."

 

o0o0o0o

 

Every Saturday morning I work as a security guard at the local store. All warriors who originate from realms other than Imladris have to work three voluntary hours a week, so the general community can get to know and trust us.

 

"Hello Legolas." Lord Lindir is behind me. I hope he hasn't seen me jump. What is he doing here? Surely fabulously wealthy and superbly handsome musicians with muscles of steel do not do their own shopping?

 

I turn around and give him a blinding, but polite, smile. "Good morning. Do you often come here?"

 

"I have never been here before." He smiles warmly and my nether regions do a back flip before dancing around in circles. My eyes are drawn to his shopping basket. What could he possibly want with hithlain rope, wide black ribbon, and several strips of leather? I look up and he smiles again. "Now I know you work here, I might come more often."

 

I feel brave. "Erestor decided that we need some pictures of you to go with the interview. Melpomaen, the court artist agreed, if you are willing."

 

"Will you be there?"

 

I nod dumbly, incapable of words; my groin hardening in a maelstrom of dark desire, because his intense grey eyes are staring at me.

 

"Come tomorrow morning." He sweeps out of the store, much how I should imagine a graceful swan ship would depart when sailing away from the harbour of Mithlond. A trail of admiring glances follow in his wake. Why is he so interested in me? Does he seek to take pleasure in intimidating me again with his handsome, self assured poise, or is he genuinely interested?

 

My inner Maia smirks at me. "You lurvvve him," she taunts. Sometimes I really do not like her at all.

 


	4. Holy Shit!

 

The next day Erestor, Melpomaen, and I go to Lord Lindir's rooms. Erestor leaves early; he has to collect his new boots from the cobblers, they have been reinforced with cast iron toe caps. Melpomaen draws several sketches and works easily around Lord Lindir. He does not seem as daunted as me.

 

"I am finished," Melpomaen says as he tucks his sketches into a brown card folder. "Thank you Lord Lindir for your time. I must go, Lord Elrond wants me to draw a picture of his new kitten shaped slippers, and I am already a few minutes late."

 

"Thank you," Lord Lindir says. He looks at me as get I ready to leave. "Legolas, I have some free time. Perhaps you would like to go for a cup of coffee?"

 

Holy shit! I am all sixes and sevens! How can I hide my true thoughts about him? It's not as though he could be at all romantically interested in me; I am simply not attractive enough for one such as him. My inner Maia raises her eyebrows and called me a self loathing twit. What does she know?

 

"Thank you. I would love a coffee."

 

o0o0o0o

 

His elegant, long fingers pick the cup from the saucer and he sips his coffee. For a brief moment I wonder how they make the leaf shape. I suppose they must layer the foam so the whitest parts of the leaf are the last to be poured.

 

"Do you have a lover?" Lord Lindir asks out of the blue. "Melpomaen seems quite fond of you."

 

I stare wide eyed at his forwardness, but it is all right because he is rich and good looking. Indeed, I would not tolerate such informality from anyone else. "No, Lord Lindir. I do not have a lover. I have never..." How unsophisticated he must think I am. Oh why do I open my mouth before thinking? I drink my hot coffee quickly. The heat makes my mouth a much warmer place.

 

Lord Lindir smiles, putting me at ease. "Call me Lindir."

 

I smile weakly and thank him for allowing me to use his name without the prefix. He seems pleased. My inner Maia rolls her eyes.

 

"Do you have anyone special in your life?" I ask, feeling brave. My inner Maia perks her ears up.

 

He looks down at his coffee and idly swirls the dregs, much like the water in a toilet spins around as it flushes away. Then he looks up and smiles with amusement. "I have no one."

 

"But..."

 

"I am not the romantic type, plus I make it a rule never to sleep with anyone overnight."

 

"Oh." I bite my lip and wonder how such a gorgeous and dazzlingly attractive elf can be on his own and without a lover, and why he doesn't like to share a bed. I ponder idly if a former lover had snored and kept him awake. Erestor snores when he is drunk, so I throw his boots at him until he turns on his side. I sip my coffee. It tastes hot and deep, just how I imagine Lindir's mouth to feel. The thought makes me hard. Harder than a ramrod packing the ball in a cannon, ready for the fuse to be lit. If only I could be that cannon. However, it will never happen with Lindir, in no way am I attractive enough for anything but his kind indulgence.

 


	5. A Seminal Work

 

Later, in the early evening, I receive a package wrapped in expensive white paper. The writing is exquisite and delicate. "Look, Erestor. I have a parcel. No one ever sends me things."

 

"Maybe your father in Mirkwood has sent you a present." Erestor is getting ready for the big night out. Twenty of us are going to meet in a small inn and drink until we cannot stand. It's going to be great fun. He pulls a silk shirt over his head and tucks the ends into his trousers, before putting on a pair of black, shiny boots.

 

"Maybe," I reply happily. I tear open the paper and see a book, 'The Classification and Taxonomy of the Oliphaunt species', a seminal work, and a riveting read. "Look Erestor!"

 

"Wow! It's a first edition as well. It must be worth a year's salary." He gives the book back to me. "You are so lucky!"

 

Tucked inside the back cover is a note from Lindir. "To enhance your visits to the zoo. Lindir x." He put an x at the end of the message. An x means a kiss! Lindir has sent me a hand written kiss! It is lucky that I am sitting down because my knees turn to jelly. I feel like laughing and jumping for joy. If I were a lady my breasts would be heaving with anticipation at what this could mean, instead I have to make do with my cock expanding against my leggings.

 

o0o0o0o

 

"Legolas, your turn" Erestor shouts. Our warrior friends drunkenly agree and hold the yard of ale to my lips. We are all taking turns at seeing who can down the ale without spilling any.

 

I drink heartily from the yard long glass as the others count. When they reach thirty I finish my beer and wipe the froth from my mouth with the back of my hand. Everyone cheers. Happily none spills down my front, but some of my friends are drenched.

 

We continue drinking, laughing, telling jokes, dancing and having a good time. However, my mind keeps flitting to Lindir and it occurs to me that I should thank him personally for the book. Hardly able to walk, I take my leave and wander towards the Last Homely House.

 

After pushing away a drunken older elf who I think I recognise from the kitchens, I walk through the trees, my head spinning, but not so badly that I cannot focus on where I need to go. The elf follows me and grabs my shoulder, demanding that I give him a kiss. I try to shake him off.

 

"Legolas." Lindir walks towards me, his face stern, angry, livid, heated and irate. He takes my arm with one hand and pushes the elf away with the other. "He is with me." The elf staggers away and trips over a stone, falling face first into a cow pat. Lindir places his black, knee length boot on the back of the elf's head and pushes his face further into the shit, before leading me away. "You should take more care of yourself. Supposing something had happened? It is lucky I am here." He sounds like my dad!

 

 

o0o0o0o

 

"If you were mine I would tie you up and spank your arse for getting so drunk and putting yourself at risk," Lindir says as he holds my hair up so I can be sick down his toilet and not get the ends wet.

 

"I feel awful..." A lavender scented cloth rubs across my face. All at once I am excited. My heart thumps in my chest and my buttocks heave with joy as tiny thrills of sublime pleasure flitter across my belly. He is cleaning me!

 


	6. Stalking Tiger

 

I wake in the morning, my head muzzy and eyes stinging. The sunlight is strong through the window, but that is normal for the bright fiery ball that is Anor. The room is unfamiliar and the bed is more comfortable that the one in my barracks. Snowy white linen sheets cover the pintucked and pleated nightdress I am wearing. Wait a moment - I am wearing a white linen, human grandmother style long nightdress. What is going on? Vaguely I remember Lindir dressing me for bed, so I must be in his apartment. I look at the nightdress again and know in my heart that Lindir has not touched me because white is the colour of virginity. On the other hand, I did hear somewhere that such clothing is becoming quite fashionable and some elves consider it sexy indeed. I wonder if he is one of those elves who find such nightwear irresistible. I bite my lip. What have I got myself into? What can it mean? My inner Maia is howling with laughter and telling me that I look ridiculous. For once, I fear she may be right.

 

"Don't take that nightdress off." Lindir glides into the room, powerful and graceful, dominant like a stalking tiger, one that lives wild in the jungle down in the southern reaches of Middle-earth rather than the ones that reside in Elrond's small petting zoo.

 

My hand slowly moves away from the sleeve. He is looking at me with lust in his powerful grey eyes. My chest heaves and my breath quickens. My inner Maia is tap dancing - she has a practice class once a week for an hour. Strange shooting thrills pass through my bottom and I shift my weight uneasily because he has me at a disadvantage.

 

"I want to have sex with you." Lindir's eyes change, the lust transforms into a rapacious and desirous longing. My heart beats a tattoo against my sternum and I can hear it pounding in my ears. "But before I do you must peruse and sign this one-hundred page contract and a separate non-disclosure agreement. We will not have sex unless I have your written consent in the contract. You have a week to decide. The non-disclosure agreement you can sign now - it says that you agree not to discuss our time together or anything that we do."

 

I want him so badly that my cock and balls ache with desire. I will sign anything just to have him right now. He hands me a pen and I sign after barely reading the paper set before me.

 

"Get dressed." Lindir takes the agreement and tosses the contract onto the bed before walking out of the room, leaving me in confusion.

 

Hurriedly, I pull off the nightdress and cross the room to a chair where my clothes are laid out. They are freshly washed and ironed. How thoughtful Lindir is. I hold the material to my nose; they smell of violets that have been washed by the rain and dried in the sun, thus allowing their fresh, clean perfume to waft into the air. My loincloth is missing? Looking through the clothes, I cannot find it. Why hasn't he given my designer silk loincloth back to me? I am taken aback by my lack of underwear.

 

Lindir is looking out of the window. His dark silhouette is framed by Anor's light.

 

"Thank you for the book. It's one I have always wanted."

 

"Today is your day off. I have decided to take you to one of my favourite places." He turns. Like a Vala his gorgeously lovely and beautiful face is framed with light, filling me with an innocent awe and wonder, the type an elfling experiences when eating chocolate for the first time while on a merry-go-round. There is a slight bulge in his pocket. My loincloth is in there; I can see the corner of pink material as the pocket opens slightly with his movement. I dare not ask for it. What does he want with my loincloth? Perhaps it fell on the floor and he picked it up meaning to give it to me later? Or maybe he has one similar and thought it was his? My inner Maia stares astonished at my reasoning - she couldn't do any better.

 

"Where are we going?"

 

"I have just told you." Lindir smiles enigmatically. He walks past and strokes my neck with the tips of his fingers as he goes.

 

I follow like a dumb sheep, the type that live in the fields and munch sedately on grass during the summer months before being killed and butchered so that we can eat roast lamb dinners. He leads me to the door of his apartment and then catches me by surprise.

 

Quickly his hand pulls my wrists together in a vice like grip and raises them above my head, while his hips push my back against the door and his other hand pulls my hair so my face is angled just under his. His lips are so close to mine. They are pink and full, swollen with lust. He wants me; I feel it in my bones. Lindir wants me...the thought makes me feel faint...faint with delirious expectation and pleasure! My inner Maia is cleaning inbetween her toes and barely gives me a glance. His lips touch mine and tentatively I let him into my mouth, my tongue stoking his in a slow, hesitant exploration, because I have never kissed anyone like this before. His chest is against mine and our bellies touch. His erection is like a hard rock between us, encapsulated by our desire.

 

He stands back. "I am your first?"

 

I nod dumbly.

 

"You are a virgin?"

 

Will this change things?

 

"Well, that's a situation which must be rectified." He takes my hand and leads me down the many flights of stairs and out of the building.

 

We walk to the stables and outside I see a huge black charger being prepared with a larger than normal saddle. It is a magnificent horse, bigger than any I have ever seen. None in the Mirkwood palace compared to this fine beast.

 

"His name is Tarlie Chango. You will sit in front of me," Lindir says. A branding mark on the horse's hind quarter says 'Lindir enterprises and business holdings'. Surely this is a misuse of company property?

 

As he helps me mount, Lindir's hand pushes hard against my arse. The thrill of desire rushes through me, and for a moment I have to catch my breath. He will be sitting behind me, all the while his massive cock will be inbetween us, pushing on my back. Oh sweet joy, such thrilling anticipation. I bite my lip as he mounts.

 

"I would like to bite that lip," he says softly in my ear, before pulling on the reins. The horse begins to move and I sigh with suppressed excitement as my chest heaves and my belly clenches with dark pooled desire.

 


	7. Secret Pain

We ride for an hour. Tarlie Chango delicately picks his way through stone tracks, crosses two small streams, and ambles into a deserted part of the forest. We reach a grassy glade sprinkled with wildflowers. In the centre is a table set with the finest dinnerware and two chairs. I feel honoured; he has set this up for me.

"Sit." Lindir smiles and pulls out my chair. Gratefully, I sit down, feeling more than a little hungry.

Before me, under a domed platter lay twelve salt river oysters in their shells. Each one has a pink pearl sitting on top. I look at Lindir expectantly.

"Pearl oysters are inedible, so I had the pearls placed separately."

"I am impressed," I say softly, as I pick the shell up. After taking the pearl off and placing it on my plate, I slip the whole shellfish into my mouth. The silky blandness of the flesh contrasts sublimely with the saltiness of the liquor. I swallow, aware that Lindir is watching.

"Oysters are an aphrodisiac." Lindir gives me a knowing smile.

I smile back, not daring to say anything. He has made it clear that he will not have sex with me until I sign the contract, so why is he feeding me food to make me feel desire? I watch greedily as he slips the shellfish into his mouth and swallows, imagining it is my cock instead. Breathlessly I watch as the epiglottis in his throat bobs up and down when he swallows.

"Why do you want me to sign a contract?"

"The contract regards our roles in our relationship, if we have one. I will be the dominant one and you will be submissive. There will be no romantic relationship, only sex. Also you will not do anything without my permission. You will not make eye contact or even touch me unless I say so. There are other rules and provisos, but you can read about them later."

The next course is salmon in a walnut sauce with a tossed avocado salad. "Salmon, avocados and walnuts are aphrodisiacs too."

"It seems that everything we are eating is an aphrodisiac." I smile ingenuously. "Why are you giving me aphrodisiacs when you have said you will not touch me until I signed a contract?"

"I did not realise you are a virgin until after I gave you the paperwork earlier on. Being a virgin changes everything; the contract is for those who are aware of what they are getting into, and you do not. In fact, you have no idea. I want sex with you, Legolas Thranduilion, so that you can make an informed decision and not act out of innocence."

"Oh, I see. You want to make love to me."

Lindir's gorgeously sinful eyes narrow at the corners and his lip maintains a slight curl. "No Legolas, I do not make love, I fuck... hard."

The temptation is too much. I shift in my chair. My nether regions are engorged and I suspect he knows. I take a sip of red wine to divert him. 

The next course is also loaded with aphrodisiacs. We have watermelon, bananas and pomegranate in a vanilla sauce. I eat sedately, knowing he is watching me, and I wonder what he has planned for afterwards. If my guess is correct we will be having sex, but out in the open? What if some wild animal walks past and sees us?

I am wrong. We sit for a while on the grass, drinking the last of the red wine, while Lindir tells me more about himself. 

"My mother showed me no love as an elfling. She was too busy going out and having a good time to pay me much attention. I learned quickly to fend for myself and control whatever and whoever came my way, especially after being the submissive in my first relationship - a role I do not care to repeat ever again. You see, Legolas, I like to control and I like being in control."

"Have you had many such relationships? They all seem a bit one sided to me."

"I have had many dominant/submissive relationships, but all of them have failed due to incompatibility. I treat my submissives very well, but they always end up leaving me. You see Legolas, I cannot love. I am a squillion shades of fucked up." I want to take away his secret pain, but I have no idea how to do it.

"Oh. You do not seem like that to me," I say quickly. "I do not know what such a relationship entails. I thought that when two elves have a relationship they fall in love and live happily together until one of them is killed in battle or falls down a well...or something."

Lindir gets up and takes my hand. "Let's go back." He looks haunted. Have I stirred up painful memories with my questions? 

The ride back is silent, except for Lindir pointing out landmarks and saying once that a certain waterfall inspired a famous, and much loved, piece of music. We arrive back at the Last Homely House, climb the many staircases and enter his apartment.


	8. Swooning With Joy

"Come, I have somewhere to show you." We walk into the sitting room. Over the other side is a door padded with leather quilting. "Beyond this door is my playroom. I want you to see it before you sign the contract."

"What do you do in there? Play darts? Board games? I am rather adept at chess."

Lindir smiles widely, he is almost laughing. "Not quite."

He unlocks the door with a big, iron key. As he inserts it into the lock I feel a quiver in my groin as the analogy strikes home. The door opens smoothly, everything about Lindir and all that he owns is such. Beyond is a dark room. Lindir holds up a lit oil lamp, which illuminates the room. As I step inside I am confronted with all sorts of equipment, the like of which I have only seen in my father's dungeons. Leather whips, little sculptures that look like cocks, balls with leather straps attached, riding crops, dog collars, shackles, chains with hooks, wide leather strips that Lindir says are blindfolds, and clothing made of leather all hang on the walls. In the corner hangs the nightdress that I woke up wearing that morning. In the middle of the room is a large ring suspended from the ceiling, from it hangs a large hook through which several chains hang limply. There are also patches of bare wall that have hooks and rings protruding from them. How can such items be part of a game?

"If you sign the contract, this is where we shall play. You and I will learn your limits and you will truly know the pleasure that pain can bring."

"Pain?" How can pain bring pleasure?

"A caress is pleasant but harder pressure can cause pain. Finding out where one becomes the other is part of it. There is a dividing line that we shall both explore."

I wish I was not so innocent. I wish I was more informed about the ways of Middle-earth and elves. "I do not feel as though I can make any decision, especially as I have no experience."

"We should do our best to make you fully informed." Lindir takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom. "Spend the night with me?"

He knows I will. I bite my lip wondering if my dreams are about to come true. LINDIR WANTS ME TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HIM! I am nearly swooning with joy and anticipation. My tongue tingles with desire as my cock salutes. 

" I want you, Legolas Thranduilion. I have wanted you ever since you fell over when you entered my office." He stands slightly away and looks appraisingly. "I know you want me too. I knew from the very moment you first set eyes on me."

"Am I that easy to read?"

"Yes. We will make love tonight in my bed throughout the night. I want to chase the dawn with you, Legolas Thranduilion."

Such romantic words from one who sets my heart beating a tattoo filled with fiery heat and awe. How can I refuse! Without waiting for an answer he gently kisses my lips and leads me to the bed. My stomach flips and a thrill of glorious sensation causes my buttocks to clench involuntarily and my knees to knock together.

"I want to chase the dawn with you too, Lindir."

"I know. It was inevitable that our bodies would join at some point, simply because you are the sort of elf to be overawed by extreme beauty."

He watches as I undress. By the time I am finished he is already nude. His golden skin covers finely sculpted muscles, the type one sees of athletes carved in marble in the grand hall of the Last Homely House. 

"Magnificent," Lindir stares hungrily. "You have a fine warrior physique. I am going to enjoy making love to you."

"I thought you didn't make love? You said you fucked hard only."

"The rules have changed. I want to make love to you for tonight. You need to see what you are getting yourself into. If you agree, that is. Things have moved very fast. I will only do what you feel comfortable with." He gives me a wicked grin and it travels all the way to my cock. My inner Maia dances a waltz with some tango moves thrown in.

Now is the time to run away before we reach the point of no return, but I don't want to. I need everything Lindir can give, my body hungers for it. Every cell, every sinew, every nerve, screams for his attention. I want all he can give.


	9. Intense Stimulation

He lays me down on white linen sheets and starts by kissing my belly, totally ignoring my pleading cock. Working his way up he gently kisses my nipples, swirling his tongue around them so that they harden and grow longer. "Beautiful," he mutters as he rolls them slowly between his fingers. "They could cut glass." They are left aching and swollen, just like my cock.

He moves on to the base of my neck, kissing and lapping so that I writhe with unendurable pleasure. How can I stop wriggling under such intense stimulation? "We are going to have to work on keeping you still," Lindir whispers as he moves to my ear. "It can be part of your training." He holds me tighter and grinds his hips against mine.

I am in awe. The most beautiful elf in Middle-earth is going to make love to me, and he has already started. His body is on top of mine, holding me still, crushing me with his power. I gasp as I feel his huge, hard cock move slightly against my lower belly. It is all mine, his cock is all for me. Soon I will have Lindir inside me and outside too. His tongue plunders my mouth as his lips close over mine. I never knew a tongue could be so long and powerful. I am in his grip, unable to move as he does what he wants with me.

After the kiss he moves down to my legs. For a fleeting moment I think it is all over, but no, he runs his nose along my inner thigh until he reaches my balls. They twitch in response to his questing tongue and my legs stiffen.

"Vala! You taste good," he murmurs. He smiles, pure pleasure radiates from his face and I convulse with absolute ecstasy. He looks up. "You are so beautiful, Legolas Thranduilion. I cannot wait to fill you with my massively huge cock and be inside you." Such romantic words and they are spoken by him, leaving me breathless with wonder. "I want to fuck you so hard that you cannot sit down for at least a week." It gets better and better!

He raises himself slightly. "I want to see you come. Show me how you pleasure yourself."

I shake my head in confusion. "I don't. I never have."

His eyebrows nearly shoot off his face in astonishment. "Never?"

"No," I reply dumbly.

His eyes darken as he gives me a look of disbelief. Without a word his mouth closes over my cock and before long I find out what I have been missing all my life. "Please..." I plead, not knowing what I am asking for.

"Let go, baby. Let it take over." he says softly. There is no one I trust more at this moment than him.

My back arches as he pulls my nipple and rolls it between his fingers and I cry out his name as I enter the short lived land of ecstasy. The heat has left my convulsing body and I have shattered into a million pieces. My heart heaves as I pant breathlessly, all the while looking at his perfect face. His lips close over mine as I come down from my joyous state. Tongue plundering my mouth as he absorbs my cries of blissful rapture.

Without him I couldn't have done this. I couldn't have lived the most extraordinary experience of my whole life. Now I know why elves wax lyrical about orgasm and all that surrounds it. I look at him with gratitude and awe while he gives a satisfied smile. He has taken me into manhood and I am not an innocent anymore.

"You are so responsive. It's going to be so much fun teaching you how to delay your pleasure so that it becomes much more than it just was." His voice is soft and breathy, as he snuggles closer.

"You mean it can be more?" I look at him and he nods.

"I will teach you how to touch the hem of a Vala's robe, such will be the ecstasy you can accomplish with me." His eyes promise delights untold and I want more. I need it so badly.

"I will sign the contract!"

"No." He is firm and my face falls. "You need to be fully informed. Your decision is not one to take light-heartedly and in the heat of the moment."

He reached over to a small pot on the bedside table and dips his hand into the dark pool of oil and spreads it over his rigid, fantastically huge cock.

"Will it fit?"

"Don't worry. You will expand too."

Lindir holds my legs up so my ankles rest on his shoulders. "I am going to fuck you now, Legolas Thranduilion." He lines his cock up against my puckered rosebud and pushes in. "Hard." His eyebrows raise just a fraction, as if trying to make me laugh.

Aghhhhhh!" I cry out as he rips away my virginity. My entrance is slick and wet but it feels strange as I am stretched beyond belief. I feel full, as if I have eaten too much fibre the day before. He stops so I can acclimatise to his girth, before starting again but going at a gentler pace. The pain subsides and I move tentatively against him. My hands are on his forearms. They are covered with a dewy sheen and slip against my fingers.

He breathes heavily as his hips move and so do I with increasing intensity. My body is cool with sweat and it quivers in time with each thrust.

"Come for me, Legolas," Lindir grunts.

I am coming apart at the seams, like a pair of well worn trousers split when someone who has put on a bit of weight kneels down in them. I do not know what to think anymore. I can't think. I can only focus as he arches back and cries out my name, thrusting hard and filling me with his seed. He is my only thought, my only attention. At the same time, my back stiffens and I explode into a thousand fragments, each one a crescendo of passionate ecstasy, rapture, bliss and joy running down every nerve ending in my body.

TWO ORGASMS IN ONE DAY!

He stills and moves around to lay beside me. "Did I hurt you?" His eyes gleam.

"You are asking me if you hurt me?"

"Ironic I know," he laughs. 

"I had no idea my body was capable of such things. I wish I hadn't listened to those dark warnings in sex education class where they said that self abuse could turn us blind. I have missed so much. It was like my body was a tight spring that was violently released."

"Legolas," he says as his body moves on top of mine. "You belong to me. You are mine. Only mine. Never forget that." I am helpless underneath him and cannot move. It doesn't matter that I haven't signed the contract yet; I am his.

He takes me in his hand and I once again soar to blissful heights. "You are so responsive, Legolas. I can do anything I like to you and you just respond." His eyes look at me in wonder as I come down from my moment of ecstasy.

"Open your mouth." My lips part and he puts his thumb in my mouth, pressing on my tongue. "Taste yourself. Taste yourself for me." I suck his thumb, imagining him to be an ice lolly, a Lindir flavoured popsicle once I have cleaned away the salty sweetness that was mine.

"Fuck my mouth," I say wantonly. Where did that come from I wonder as I bite on his thumb. Did I really just say that?

His eyes open wide with astonishment as I bite harder on his thumb. He smiles and takes hold of my hair, pulling it firmly and deliciously, so the ends are enervated and the thrills run through my scalp. All the while he smiles at me. "Naughty, sweet Legolas," he whispers in my ear as I free his thumb from my mouth. He lets go of my hair and covers his cock with more oil before pulling my legs up and pushing in again.

"I want you sore. I want you to know you are mine. Every time you move for the next week you will know that you are mine." He moves in and out as he speaks his seductive words, ones that send chills of ultimate pleasure down my spine. "I. Want. You. So much, sweet baby, sweet Legolas."

I moan with pleasure, unable to stop writhing with the thrills coursing through my prone body. "Come for me, baby," he says, his voice catching. "Every orgasm you have is mine and for me alone."

I am undone, like a boot lace that has unravelled and is hanging from the leather. I call out his name as my body arches and every nerve ending zings with erupting rapture. As I come Lindir calls out my name, loud to the skies, and I do not care who can hear.

He pants beside me as we snuggle together, his body spooning mine as we fall asleep. It's lucky that I have the next day off as well, otherwise I would never be able to wake up in time for marching practice.

The next morning Lindir is not there. From the next room I can hear the playing of a harpsichord. I watch entranced from the doorway. He plays splendidly, a happy tune that reflects the smile on his face. Such an accomplished musician and I get to hear him for free! I can tell he is lost in the music. Anor's early beams bathe him in a pool of light. He is alone, isolated, lost in a pool of sadness that belies the look on his face and the joyful tune.

I walk over, my feet padding across the floor.

"I couldn't sleep. I am not used to sharing my bed, except with a teddy bear." He stands up and takes my arm. "Come on, back to bed."

We go back to the bedroom and he pulls the covers back. There are the stains, evidence of our sex. I flush with embarrassment. "Shouldn't we change the sheets?"

"Why? The stains are on your side, not mine."

I lay down on the stained sheets and Lindir snuggles up behind me. "Close your eyes and go to sleep."


	10. Flushing Pink

"You had sex with Lindir. Didn't you?" Erestor stands in the doorway while I look at several packages sitting on my bed. 

"Yes, I did." I smile happily, remembering what a great time I had. "I am not a virgin anymore."

"Really?" Erestor seems interested. "You mean you were one before?"

I nod as I unwrap the first package.

"What? You are fifty and have never had sex?" Erestor seems incredulous.

"I have now," I say somewhat complacently.

Erestor sits on his bed opposite. "What's it like?"

"Find out for yourself," I say mysteriously, like a fortune teller would when looking into a crystal ball and nothing is revealed to them.

Erestor shrugs and gives me a small grin. For the first time I notice how dark his lashes are against his cream skin. A slight flush of pink covers his cheeks as his blue eyes shine with an endearing awkwardness. "Maybe I will, when I fall in love."

I dismiss Erestor's words, but in my heart I know he is right. What use is one sided love? Surely that is the way to a broken heart? But maybe I can make Lindir love me. He is interested in me sexually, so perhaps one state follows the other. Or, maybe not.

In the first package is a leather bound book about dominance and submission in a relationship. The other packages contain a mini hamper from home and a stack of research papers outlining the benefits of the relationship Lindir wants us to have. With them is a letter urging me to read them before signing the contract.

I settle down to read. Erestor is curious but too well brought up to ask further questions, particularly about the nature of my reading.

o0o0o0o

"I cannot do this," I say softly. "The lifestyle you wish us to pursue is nothing without love. Our night together was wonderful. I will always look back on it with fondness, indeed I thank you for giving me such a perfect first time. However, I would think that sex with someone I love, and who loves me, would be even better."

"I see." We sit in a small restaurant. Lindir is picking at his steak, starting to look as if his world is caving in. I wonder at my ability to play with his levels of happiness.

"I cannot sign a contract where certain foods are banned. Neither can I agree never to look directly at you, especially as you are so damnably handsome, witty, rich and urbane."

"It is up to you," he replies. "The lifestyle is not for everyone, and that is why I provided the amount of information you needed to make a decision. I thought you would have been perfect for me, but I am used to rejection; it has always been a feature of my life. That is why I play the piano at night, with an air of melancholy, in a pool of moonlight." He looks at me earnestly. "Legolas, I could have given you the world. I could have given you the sun, moon and stars, and those little rocky things that sometimes fall to Earth. What are they again?" He looks puzzled, as if grasping for a word on the tip of his tongue.

"Asteroids?"

"Yes, asteroids. I could have given you those too. But so be it."

"I am glad you understand." I leave my dinner half finished. "It would be wrong for me to stay." I kiss his cheek and walk away, knowing I have done the right thing - if he had said he loved me I would have stayed. Even so, a small tinge of sadness enters my heart. Am I making a mistake? Can I live without love? Could I have made him love me? 

So many questions, yet a small thought continues to play in my brain - he must have been drawn to me. However, even in my innocence I am the first to admit that attraction does not equal love. He does not love me, and even I know, as a young and inexperienced elf, that in time my heart will yearn for something more. Indeed, it already does.

I go back to my rooms. On my bed is a letter from Elrond. I am to be sent to Mithlond for a three month placement. How fortuitous, even more so, is that my friend, Erestor, is also going. Now I do not need to actively avoid Lindir. I know that if I keep seeing him, we will be having a loveless relationship which will benefit mostly him. I do not trust myself, simply because he is my first and I have fallen for him.


	11. Dark Lashes

Sixteen weeks later I am sitting in an auditorium waiting to receive my qualification. My advanced training is complete and I am now a senior warrior. Soon I can go back home to Mirkwood, if I choose. A part of me doesn't want to go. I have become acclimatised to living above ground.

Before the ceremony starts there is a speech from one of our benefactors. Elrond announces him and my eyes look up with interest. Lindir climbs the steps to the stage and stands at the podium. He looks straight at me, so I smile, all the while keeping hold of Erestor's hand. 

Now is the time. I turn my head slightly to face Erestor and kiss him lightly on the cheek. He looks at me and smiles before kissing me fleetingly on the lips. A brief touch, but one Lindir sees. His face falls and his words falter. I have something that he will never have and he cannot tempt me anymore.

"Congratulations," Lindir says as he shakes my hand. He gives me the scroll that says I am entitled to call myself a 'Senior Elven Warrior'. He whispers, "When you are finished with your juvenile fling, come back to me and we will have some fun together."

"You do not love me; you said so yourself. I deserve more than that, and so do you." I look at Lindir; he is sad. My heart feels for him and I tell him so. "I am going back to Mirkwood and Erestor is coming with me. I wish you the happiness I have found and hope that one day your heart will blossom like a flower and open up to one you can love." My inner Maia leaps for joy!

"You are a fool to think that love exists. You will get hurt just like everyone does who believes in love." Lindir's eyes are contemptuous, his lips compress and his eyes harden. He takes another scroll, turns away and reads a name, dismissing me completely. I walk away and leave the stage, to return to my seat. 

Erestor already has his scroll. Alphabetically his initial comes before mine, so he went before me. "What did he say to you?"

"He congratulated me on my qualification and I told him that I was going back to Mirkwood with you. He wishes us all the best."

"He didn't seem happy when you went." Erestor grips my hand a little firmer, as if he fears that I will tell him something bad. His beautiful dark lashes frame his impossibly blue, questioning eyes.

I shrug. "He told me I was a fool to think love exists." I look winningly at my new love. 

Erestor smiles and puts his arm around me. "He is the fool." 

After the small celebration we leave and walk back to our room. On the way, a bush brushes against my hand and I drop my scroll. As I pick it up a small, handwritten note drops out. I recognise the writing in a brief glimpse before it flies upward on the wind, up into the sky, flitting higher and higher. Erestor and I watch for a few moments before linking arms and walking away. Above the sun is shining and we have joy in our hearts. I am with the one I love and Lindir is now a fond memory, one that I wouldn't have missed for the world.


End file.
